One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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