Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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