she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
