My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
