i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
