Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
