No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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