dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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