from now on my penis is your penis
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
