I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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