Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
