i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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