remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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