laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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