and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
