i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
