goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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