Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
