You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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