is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
