laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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