i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
