Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
