I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
