omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize