Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
