He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She bit a glass in half.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
