This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
