The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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