just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
