census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My balls are so social today.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
