we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
