how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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