Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
