Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
