so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
