She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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