We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
