I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
