why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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