So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize