Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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