my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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