sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
