dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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