I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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