just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
