I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
