That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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