Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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