saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
