you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
