I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
