How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
