After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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