i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
