It's Friday. Sex?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
