At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize