I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
