Whod you bang
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
