I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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