dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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